If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably spent years focused on everyone else—your kids, your husband, your household. And while we wouldn’t trade those years for anything, there comes a time when we start to wonder, “Who am I outside of these roles?”
I was tired of being a mom and wife because I was feeling lost.
For me, that time came during the emotional whirlwind of perimenopause and a bit of a midlife crisis. But what I’ve discovered is that these challenging times can also be an opportunity to reconnect with ourselves in deeper, more meaningful ways.
The Wake-Up Call: Perimenopause and Midlife Crisis
When I hit my 40s, I started noticing changes—not just physical ones, but emotional shifts too. Perimenopause brought mood swings, anxiety, and a general feeling of being unsettled. On top of that, I found myself questioning my life’s direction. It wasn’t that I didn’t love my family or the life we had built, but something inside me was shifting, urging me to look inward and figure out who I really was at this stage of my life.
Unfortunately, perimenopause was a bitch on my marriage and began hurting my kids, so things had to change …. and fast!
Rediscovering My Passions: The Hobby Farm Adventure
One of the most surprising and fulfilling things that came out of this period of self-reflection was my decision to start a hobby farm. I’ve always loved animals, but I never imagined myself raising chickens in my backyard. Now, I’m not only caring for a flock of hens, but I’m also dreaming about adding mini goats to the mix someday.
My husband and I spent months together building a fantastic chicken coop and run. It was not easy … in fact, it was backbreaking work that I assisted with and I pushed myself with manual labor that I never dreamed I could do. And this work gave me a sense of capability and purpose I’d never felt before.
My chickens have become a passion project that brings me joy, a sense of accomplishment, and a deeper connection to nature.
It’s funny how something so simple can bring so much fulfillment.
Connecting with My Roots: Embracing My Hispanic Heritage
Another area where I’ve found new depth is in exploring my Hispanic heritage. After my Cuban Puerto Rican grandmother passed away, I felt a strong pull to connect with that part of my identity. I’ve been learning more about our family history, trying out traditional recipes, and even thinking about how to incorporate more of our culture into my kids’ lives. This journey has been a beautiful way to honor my grandmother’s memory while also discovering more about who I am.
Why This Matters: The Impact on Mental Health and Relationships
Here’s the thing: rediscovering yourself during challenging times isn’t just about finding new hobbies or interests. It’s about nurturing your mental health and strengthening your relationships. When you invest time in understanding and exploring who you are, you’re better equipped to handle the stresses of life. You become more resilient, more content, and more at peace with where you are in your journey.
For me, this process has also had a positive impact on my relationships with my husband and kids. By pursuing my interests and passions, I’m showing my family that it’s okay to evolve, to grow, and to seek out what makes you happy. It’s led to more meaningful conversations with my husband and seems to have inspired my kids to explore their own interests more deeply.
I won’t say it’s not a challenge all its own … because my husband has sometimes appeared annoyed with my insistence that I’m “suddenly” Hispanic. My ADHD brain probably latched onto the idea hard core and I’m suddenly only listening to Latin Music and dancing like crazy in the kitchen while he knows me as the white girl he married (#sorrynotsorry). He also doesn’t fully comprehend the fascination with farm animals as I daydream about someday having so much acreage that we can get lost in it.
But we’re all learning to accept that this interesting journey is bringing about unexpected changes and that if we don’t fight it, we have the greater potential for finding more joy and understanding in our lives!
Encouragement for You: Embrace the Journey
If you’re feeling lost or uncertain during a challenging time, I encourage you to view it as an opportunity. It’s okay to not have all the answers right now. Start small—try a new hobby, explore an old interest, or reconnect with your cultural roots. Give yourself the space to grow and evolve. Remember, self-care isn’t just about pampering yourself; it’s about nurturing your soul and discovering the person you’re becoming.
In the end, this journey of rediscovery can bring greater depth to your life, improve your mental health, and enrich your relationships. So, take that first step toward finding out who you are—because you’re worth it, and your journey is just beginning.
If you’re on a journey to rediscover your identity and want to explore what truly makes you feel alive, my Self-Care Worksheet can help you pinpoint the areas in your life where you need more attention and growth. Once you’ve identified those areas, use my Self-Care Planner to create a personalized plan that supports your passions and helps you reconnect with yourself.
Remember, challenging times can be an opportunity for personal growth. Let these tools guide you as you rediscover who you are and embrace the new chapters of your life.
