When my first child was born, I remember sitting in the quiet of the hospital room, thinking I had everything under control. Then we got home, and reality hit me like a ton of bricks. I wasn’t prepared for the nonstop sleepless nights or how much I’d miss simple things like showering uninterrupted. Fast forward to now, with one child entering the teenage years and the other almost nine, I’ve come to accept that motherhood is a series of constant adjustments. Each phase feels like a new life lesson.
It’s tempting to think that having kids won’t change who you are. Sure, you’ll be more tired, maybe a bit stressed—but deep down, you’ll still be ‘you,’ right? Spoiler alert: Parenthood changes everything. You don’t just go back to who you were before—no one does. But that doesn’t mean you can’t find a new, better version of yourself as time goes on.
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The Reality of Change
When you first have a baby, the changes are obvious. Sleepless nights, constant feedings, and a completely new daily routine. The shift is instant and overwhelming, and you might find yourself questioning who you are outside of being a mom.
But what doesn’t get talked about enough is how that shift continues long after the newborn phase ends.
Motherhood is not a one-time transformation—it’s an ongoing evolution.
From the moment you hold your baby for the first time to the day you watch them graduate high school (and beyond), you will continue to change. The things that make you feel lost or overwhelmed as a new mom won’t be the same as when your kids hit their teenage years or when they start their own families. But that sense of feeling disconnected from yourself can happen at any stage.
Every phase of motherhood brings its own set of challenges, and it’s easy to lose sight of yourself along the way. Whether you’re struggling with the chaos of toddlerhood, navigating the emotional rollercoaster of raising teenagers, or adjusting to an empty nest, the need to find wholeness never truly goes away.
The encouraging news? You can find it again. Over and over.
8 Ways to Feel Whole Again as a Mom
1. Acknowledge the Ongoing Transformation
It’s okay to mourn your old self or miss certain aspects of your pre-motherhood life. Feeling conflicted about who you are now doesn’t make you a bad mom—it just makes you human.
When my youngest started school, I thought I’d finally have time to catch up on everything I’d been putting off—exercise, work projects, maybe even a hobby or two. But what actually happened was that the quiet house left me feeling a little empty (and perhaps a little paralyzed deciding what to do since I didn’t have a tiny dictator barking orders at me any longer).
I didn’t realize how much my identity had been wrapped up in taking care of the kids 24/7, and I suddenly felt lost in a way I hadn’t before. It took time, but I began to find myself again by slowly embracing the new rhythms of life without little ones constantly at my feet.
It’s important to recognize that motherhood changes you, not just in the early days but throughout your entire life. Each stage—whether you’re dealing with diapers, homework, or college applications—demands something different from you. And each stage has the potential to leave you feeling a little out of balance.
Instead of fighting these changes, embrace them. Accept that the person you are today won’t be the same as the person you were before kids, and that’s okay.
This evolution isn’t something to fear—it’s something to lean into.
- Tip: Give yourself permission to evolve. You may not be able to do everything you once loved, but you’ll find new passions and joys as your children grow and your role as a mother shifts.
2. Reconnect with Your Body and Mind—Regularly
Just like the newborn phase requires you to take care of your body after giving birth, every phase of motherhood calls for regular self-check-ins. Your body and mind are constantly being taxed by the emotional and physical demands of parenting, and if you don’t make time to care for yourself, burnout is inevitable.
Whether your kids are small or grown, prioritize your well-being. The more balanced you feel in your body and mind, the more grounded you’ll feel as you face the ever-changing challenges of motherhood.
- Tip: Build self-care into your routine at every stage. This doesn’t have to be elaborate—sometimes, it’s as simple as taking a walk, meditating for five minutes, or giving yourself space to just be.
3. Let Go of Perfectionism at Every Stage
When your kids are small, there’s pressure to be the “perfect” mom—perfect meals, perfect routines, perfect everything. As they grow, that pressure doesn’t necessarily go away—it just changes. You might feel like you need to be the perfect role model for your teens, the perfect listener for your adult children, or the perfect grandparent someday.
It’s easy to fall into the comparison trap, especially when you see other moms seemingly doing it all. But remember, social media only shows the highlights, not the whole story. Your journey is your own, and you’re doing enough.
Perfection is an illusion, and chasing it will only leave you feeling more disconnected from yourself.
- Tip: Give yourself grace. Let go of the idea that you need to have it all together. Whether you’re raising toddlers or supporting grown children, the most important thing is to show up as your authentic self—flaws and all.
4. Delegate as a Form of Self-Care
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking you have to do everything yourself. From managing the household to handling work and caring for the kids, the pressure to juggle it all can feel overwhelming. But here’s a truth that often goes unspoken: delegation is a powerful form of self-care.
Learning to ask for help or share responsibilities can free up valuable mental and emotional energy. Whether it’s letting your partner take over bedtime duties, asking a friend to help with errands, or even involving your kids in simple tasks, delegating allows you to focus on what truly matters—and it gives you the space to breathe.
- Tip: Start small. If it feels overwhelming to let go of control, begin by delegating one task that doesn’t need to be done by you. It could be something as simple as asking someone else to fold the laundry or prepare a meal. The goal is to give yourself permission to focus on what brings you joy or peace.
5. Reconnect With Your Inner Child
Motherhood can make it easy to forget who you were before kids, but there’s something magical about reconnecting with the activities that brought you joy as a child. Whether it’s drawing, playing outside, dancing to your favorite song, or indulging in an old hobby, taking time to engage with your inner child can reignite creativity and playfulness—two things that often get lost in the daily grind of parenting.
This isn’t just about nostalgia. It’s about reminding yourself that you’re more than the roles you play. You are still someone who deserves fun, excitement, and a little adventure.
- Tip: Set aside time each week to do something just for you. Maybe it’s picking up a paintbrush again or playing a childhood video game. Even if it feels silly, letting yourself play can bring unexpected joy and a much-needed sense of lightness.
6. Unplug to Reset
Life can get noisy—between social media, work, family, and daily to-do lists, the constant barrage of information and responsibility can feel overwhelming. Sometimes, what you need most is a “Soul Reset”—a day (or even a few hours) to completely unplug from everything and focus on quieting your mind.
Turn off your phone, step away from social media, and let go of the urge to be constantly productive. Whether you spend that time in nature, reading, or simply resting, the key is to give your brain and body the chance to unwind from the noise.
- Tip: Plan ahead to make your Soul Reset possible. Set boundaries with family or friends, and let them know you’ll be unavailable for a while. This is your time to fully disconnect and focus on recharging your inner self.
7. Embrace the New Version of Yourself
As your kids grow, so do you. The things you once prioritized may change, and that’s okay. It’s normal to shift your focus from your kids to yourself as they become more independent. In fact, it’s healthy.
Whether you’re rediscovering old hobbies, starting new ones, or finding joy in something completely unexpected, this is your time to embrace the person you’ve become—and the person you’re still becoming.
- Tip: Don’t be afraid to try new things, even if they feel out of character. Motherhood stretches you in ways you never imagined, and that includes opening you up to new experiences and opportunities.
8. Rediscover Wholeness Again and Again
Just when I thought I had it all under control, the teenage years hit, and suddenly, I felt like I was learning how to parent all over again. My oldest began to get more emotional and moody, and my patience was stretched thin. There were moments when I’d find myself feeling like I was back at square one, questioning if I was doing anything right. But each time, I remind myself that these feelings are temporary, and I find little ways to reconnect—whether it’s sneaking in a few minutes to read or just sitting quietly with my chickens in the middle of the day.
Finding wholeness isn’t a one-time achievement—it’s something you’ll need to revisit throughout your life.
Whether you’re in the trenches of the early years or navigating the complexities of raising older kids, you’ll have moments where you feel lost. That’s normal.
The key is to recognize when you’re feeling disconnected and take steps to find your center again. This may look different at various points in your journey. Maybe in the early years, wholeness was about getting a nap in when you could. Later on, it might be about taking a solo trip or pursuing a long-abandoned passion.
- Tip: Check in with yourself regularly. Ask yourself what’s missing, what you need, and how you can give that to yourself. Sometimes, finding wholeness should be as simple as allowing yourself to pursue joy and to feed your soul.
Embrace Your Evolution!
Motherhood doesn’t stop changing you once the baby stage is over. It keeps reshaping you through every milestone, every hard day, every triumph. And through it all, the one thing that remains constant is your ability to find wholeness in every phase of motherhood.
No matter where you are in your journey—whether you’re feeling lost with a newborn, frustrated with a teenager, or wondering what’s next as an empty nester—remember that you’re not alone. The journey to wholeness isn’t about finding the old you. It’s about discovering the new, evolving you.
And that, more than anything, is what makes the experience of motherhood—and life itself—so extraordinary.
