Am I a Good Mom? The Best Response is This

“Am I a good mom? It’s a question that echoes through the chaotic symphony of motherhood, often lingering in the minds of many of us.

As I stood in the kitchen, juggling dishes while suppressing the relentless waves of sickness, the nagging doubt surfaced again. A sudden realization hit me: I had forgotten to pack my daughter’s snack for school. Guilt washed over me, questioning my competence.

How could I forget something so seemingly simple?

I calm my thoughts after I remind myself that her teacher had a snack stash for just this situation.  In fact, I donated a humongous box of chips to her classroom just weeks ago.  She’s fine.  She will be taken care of.

It was in moments like these that the relentless whisper of ‘Am I a good mom?’ grew louder. If you’ve ever found yourself wrestling with the same question, you’re not alone. Join me as we delve into the essence of what truly defines a ‘good mom,’ and why the answer might just be simpler than we think.”

This post contains affiliate links which may earn me commissions should you click through them and take certain actions. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. See full disclosure here.

As a mom of two children, I know how often I question my abilities.  There are so many questions I pose to myself about my own parenting.

I often wonder if I do enough.  Have I said the right things?  Am I teaching my children important life lessons?  Have I shown them how to be good friends?  Am I teaching them to be responsible for their actions and that they’re not entitled to anything in this world?  That’s just to name a few.  And those probably happened in less than an hour.  Just today.

All my questions boil down to one simple, and common, question most moms have.

Am I a Good Mom?

The key to being a good mom is simple.

Stop asking the question.

I know you’re asking “How does that qualify as an answer to a question?”

It isn’t.  But there’s a reason for it.  And that is …

There is no definitive answer.

The fact that you feel compelled to ask if you’re a good mom likely means that you are a good mom.  You’re asking because you care.  You’re concerned that you’re doing the right thing for your family.  This tells me, simply, you are a good mom.

Challenges of Motherhood:

• Juggling household chores while battling sickness, the constant mental checklist of things to do, and the perpetual worry about children’s well-being.
• Feeling guilty over small slip-ups like forgetting to pack a child’s snack for school, questioning one’s parenting abilities, and the relentless self-doubt about being good enough.

How Do I Know If I Am a Good Mom? Quotes and Perspectives

Okay, I get it.  You need some signs that you’re a good mom.

Here are a few things that indicate you’re probably a good mom:

1. Your kids smile, laugh and enjoy life.
2. Your kids are polite and share.
3. You put (at least some of) their needs ahead of your own.
4. You parent your kids according to their personalities and needs.
5. You aren’t afraid of doling out consequences.
6. Sometimes your kids say “I hate you“.

What are the Signs of a Bad Mother?

Not so great moms may:

• Only focus on work, financial stability and their child’s school performance.
• Not try to communicate or have heart to hearts with their children.
• Provide an overabundance.
• Be over-protective or not protective enough (finding balance).

Signs of a Good Mom:

• Witnessing the children’s genuine smiles and laughter, observing their polite and sharing behavior, and noticing the selfless prioritization of their needs.
• Tailoring parenting techniques according to each child’s unique personality, demonstrating the courage to implement necessary consequences, and fostering open communication for a healthy parent-child relationship.

These Quotes Define What It Is to Be a Good Mom

If you want to know if you’re a good mom, just ask your kids.  The rest of the world can’t determine that for you.

I’ve always believed that caring enough to question your own abilities makes you a good mom!  You’re asking questions and looking for ways to improve.  That to me defines what a good mom is.

Sleep deprivation is hard on anyone.  I know, first-hand, just how difficult it is to do any “momming” without a good nights’ sleep!  It’s harder to think and makes one really irritable.

Being a good mom isn’t about keeping the house clean and organized.  It’s about the family you raise and the time you spend with them.

“There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply.” – Elder M. Russell Ballard

BONUS: I love this really easy-to-follow flow chart from Huffington Post …. because there really is only one answer:

How to Stop Wondering if You’re a Good Mom

Motherhood is a challenging job, to say the least! But here are some things that may help put everything into perspective and keep you grounded in reality:

1. Stop seeking validation from others.  

Their opinions of your parenting don’t matter, do they?  That’s the thing with us moms … we always seem to be concerned about what others think about us.  And, it shouldn’t be that way.  Their opinions are subjective because their ideas of being a good mom really only apply to themselves.  They don’t have all the information to make the best decisions for your family.  Only you do.  So stop putting stock in other’s thoughts.

2. Stop comparing yourself to others.

Your friends’ posts on social media are only one side of her life.

I am not a Pinterest Mom!

The Pinterest pins one may save are no indication of a mom’s real life.  I seriously have tons of crafts saved to my Pinterest boards, but I don’t have the time or energy to do them all.  I just like them.  And I wish I could do them.

3. Remind yourself what’s important.

Are you doing what you believe in for your family?  Make a list of what is important for you to do, say, and/or accomplish as a mom.  As long as you’re trying, you’re doing what’s right.  Speaking of trying …

4. Seek ways to improve.

Just because you (should) know that you are a good mom, doesn’t mean you don’t try to improve yourself.  We should always be looking for ways to be better.  Just remember, you’re aiming to please yourself.  You should be seeking improvements in areas you want to improve upon, not what someone else believes makes a good mom.

Embracing Personal Growth:

• Recognize that being a good mom doesn’t mean being flawless, but rather constantly striving to improve.
• Identify specific areas you want to enhance, whether it’s being more patient, practicing better communication, or allocating more quality time with your children.
• Embrace the journey of self-improvement with the understanding that it’s about aligning with your own values and not adhering to someone else’s standards.

Credible Insights and Expert Opinions About Good Mothers:

Parenting experts often emphasize the significance of self-compassion and self-awareness in the journey of motherhood. Dr. Kristin Neff of Self-Compassion.org, a well-known expert in the field of self-compassion, highlights how self-compassion can significantly reduce the feelings of inadequacy and self-judgment that many mothers experience. She notes that self-compassion involves treating oneself with the same kindness and understanding that one would offer to a beloved friend, especially in challenging moments of parenting.

Furthermore, Dr. Shefali Tsabary, a renowned clinical psychologist and author, often emphasizes the importance of conscious parenting, encouraging mothers to embrace their own personal growth alongside their children’s development. According to her, conscious parenting involves a deep understanding of one’s own emotions and triggers, which ultimately enhances the parent-child relationship and nurtures a more supportive and empathetic environment for the family.

Additionally, recent studies published in reputable journals such as the Journal of Marriage and Family and the Journal of Child and Family Studies highlight the correlation between a mother’s self-compassion and her overall well-being, indicating that self-compassionate mothers are more likely to exhibit positive parenting behaviors and create a nurturing home environment for their children.

Utilizing insights from these experts and incorporating findings from credible research can significantly enhance the credibility and depth of your article, providing readers with valuable perspectives and evidence-based information to support their journey through the challenges of motherhood.

Final Thoughts On Answering “Am I a Good Mom”

Everyone has an idea of what it takes to be a good mom.  Ask any mom-to-be what she thinks a good mom is.  She’ll have a fantastic (and unrealistic) idea about motherhood.  But, once you’re a mom, you know you’re going to question your every move.  And, you’re not going to get much help from all the judgement you get from other moms.  Worst of all, those closest to you are probably going to contribute to your self doubt.

The important thing to remember is that you define what a good mom is according to your family dynamic.  Be strong, be bold, and don’t doubt yourself.  You’ve got this mama!

As you reflect on this, remember to reach out to fellow moms, for in our shared experiences, we find solace and strength. Share this post, a gentle reminder to all the amazing moms out there, that their journey is valued, their efforts cherished, and their love immeasurable. Together, let’s celebrate the beauty of our diverse paths and the incredible bond that unites us all.

So, tell me how you define what a good mom is.

Do you ever feel like you hate being a mom? 

No judgement here either!  Check out my thoughts on what to do when you don’t like being a mom!

Am I a good mom? originally appeared here in 2017 and has been updated.