Gone are the days I’m my own self. I now have to schedule time for myself or I won’t get it. What I miss about my life before children and things I think about while parenting 2 kids.
That’s terrible sounding and I’m compelled to explain that I have no regrets that I’ve had my children. My children are beautiful, smart, and funny. I can’t imagine my life without them. My daughter is a really smart daddy’s girl. As much as she gives us trouble, I know it’s just in her nature to be strong-willed. My son is another force to be reckoned with. I swear they’re going to have amazing tenacity and be very successful individuals in whatever they choose to pursue in life.
Sometimes, though, I think about life before them, and there are things I miss.
What I Miss About My Life Before Children:
While not necessarily in order, this is a list of what I miss about my life before children.
#1 Hot Coffee
I could finish a cup of coffee before it got cold. (This probably does fit in first place on this list)
#2 The Snooze Button
When I woke up in the morning, I didn’t have to rush to someone’s aid… there’s no snooze button on a screaming kid “Help! Mommy! Mommy!”
#3 A Small Purse
I miss not lugging around a diaper bag that weighs more than one of the kids, killing my shoulders in the process.
#4 Not Having to Plan Around Someone
I didn’t have to plan around nap times. (Although occasionally taking one myself is nice.)
#5 My Own Food
Not having to share my food. I love food and I don’t necessary like sharing it.
#6 Snack without Sneaking
Not having to sneak snacks. If I felt like indulging, I didn’t have to worry about whether or not someone else was supposed to have it.
#7 Small Sports Car
Driving a small manual-shift car everywhere. Now, I’m limited one day a month driving in my Autocross hobby.
#8 My Health and Smarts
I felt healthier (and smarter) – my issues seem never ending since having a baby. Thanks Hashimoto’s.
#9 Pleasant Dinner & Conversation
Dinner conversations weren’t full of convincing someone to eat dinner so they could have dessert. And eating M&Ms for dinner was acceptable.
#10 Spending on Myself without the Guilt
If I wanted something for me, I just got it. Now I think “… but I should probably spend money on x for them”. Then there’s the guilt when I take some time for myself.
I don’t regret having my children. I couldn’t imagine my life without them anymore. But, there are moments that I do miss the ease of coming and going as I please. The freedom from not being needed nearly constantly.
I’m hit with the reality that I took all those kid-free years for granted. I didn’t simply enjoy them.
When they get too big for needing mommy, and I get those freedoms back, I’m going to miss my babies. I imagine I’ll have to write a top 10 list of things I miss about having little ones in the house. For now, though, I’m in the thick of it wondering when I’ll enjoy a nice dinner out with hubby without worrying about the kids at home with the babysitter.
21 comments
It’s funny, I’m not sure I can even remember what life was like before kids! This is a great list. One thing that would make it on my list would be going to the bathroom by myself! LOL!! I’m not sure what it is about mommy going to the bathroom, but it’s almost like there is a hidden magnet that brings all of my kids to my bathroom anytime I need to go. Thank you for sharing.
How did I NOT think about the bathroom?!?! You’re so right …
I miss being able to leave the house in less than 5 minutes!
Yes!
I miss not needing to worry about finding a sitter, so I can make time for caring for my sanity lol.
No kidding! Of course, you probably had more sanity before kids too 🙂
Hey Ivy,
Thanks for making it ok to miss life before kids. As someone in her early 30s and a mom to a 1 year old— I def. miss my me-time (i.e. exercising, getting a massage, getting mani-pedi.). I have a while til lo grows up and I get my freedom back but like you, I imagined I would miss having lo be this little too.
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Best regards,
Charlotte V
We shouldn’t put so much stock in what others think is and isn’t okay. But, I know it helps if we don’t believe we’re the only ones with these kinds of feelings 🙂 Totally cool to miss some aspects of your previous life!!
Nice article! Thanks for sharing.
Yes to so many of these. And like you I don’t ever regret having my kids, but yes I do have moments where I miss certain aspects. I actually just said the other day similar to #10 to my mom as any time I do sped a few extra dollars on me now, I immediately seem to feel a certain level of guilt. So yes I do get this and more myself here.
Do it more often and you’ll feel less guilty … ask me how I know 😉
One day they will hop in their cars with their newly minted driver’s licenses and drive off and you will look at your husband on a Friday night and say, “What do you want to do?” It’s the weirdest thing ever.
Maybe, but at the same time, I’m looking forward to a little down time. And, we still have our hobbies, so we’ll just have more time for them when the kids leave 😉
Whoa, this rings so true for me, too! I’d add that I miss doing anything alone (including going to the bathroom)! That said, I know this time is fleeting so I’m *trying* to find a balance. Great post, Ivy.
I try to take one day a month to just go out and do whatever I feel like ALL DAY LONG. It’s so refreshing and makes me not feel as resentful of the chaos as often LOL. I’m glad you enjoyed the read 😀
OMG ALL of those things!! I can totally relate. My husband and I jokingly refer to re-kid days as “when we were single”. I too love my kids to pieces but the days are long and often hard. I just think about how much I’d be missing out on if I’d never had them and it makes all that stuff ok to miss for a while.
OY! Today was one of those days I REALLY missed life before them LOL. I know we’ll have some amazing experiences and I’m bound to learn A LOT … certainly I’ll be blessed to have skills I would have never known without kids, but sometimes it doesn’t feel like a blessing does it? 😉
Like you I don’t regret having children but I do miss some elements of life before kids. I missed it most when my kids were younger. I really missed going out alone with my wife like just going to the cinema, we couldn’t go as someone had to look after the kids. I also missed being able to sleep in too. Since they are now older, we can let my in-laws look after them at times so we can do what couples do. However, at this moment, I miss having quiet meal times, as our kids treats meals times like entertainment time.
It’s really hard isn’t it? My husband and I have to make intentional effort to get kid-free time. This year, I’ve also prioritized mommy days out to reboot. You find whatever way you can to cope 😉
It’s really TRUE!! LOL
I just laughed on reading about the snooze button because I can clearly resonate.The screaming does not wait indeed.You just made my day
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